The OurWeddingDay.com Blog

If they love their husbands taking his name should be an honor. there is no stronger bond on earth than the bond between a man and a woman. and when they become one it should be without a doubt the happiest item on their list of things to do, to go and have their name changed to their husbands name.

If a women is in the professional world and known by her maiden name, there is nothing wrong with wanting to maintain that professional identity. I know plenty of couples that have BOTH decided to hyphenate their names to symbolize the bond they have. It also shows how the two parties have equal weight in the relationship. Some women feel that taking their husbands last name translates to becoming his "property". In this day and age, that is hardly what most of us think a marriage should be. Having different last names does not change a relationship, it only makes addressing invitations more complicated

We certainly agree that both bride and groom should feel honored to share all of themselves with each other.

But this post isn't really about whether brides "should" take their husbands name or if there are plenty of valid reasons not to.

It's about how interesting it is that a high percentage of women polled felt that the government should force all brides to take their husbands name.

I included my last name to show why I might want to take my fiance's name (LaPierre, french is easier than Romanian.) But, as far as government mandated, that's just absurd.
For all of the reasons why a woman would not want to take their husband's name, and then the legal point of giving the government power over your name, marriage, and gender. Think on that

I will be taking my husband's last name, but there's no way a bride should be forced! My mother's last name is Love - she didn't change it and no wonder! Not only is it a pretty crazy-awesome last name to have, but it cuts down on her having to put up with telemarketing and that kind of thing. They ask for 'Mrs. 'Dad's last name'' and she can just hang up the phone, because anyone who knows us knows her last name.

I am keeping my name. Women are no longer owned by men - going from father to husband - so I am my own person and he does not own me or control me - Also, there is no reason to hide your family's name - I am not abandoning my family - two families are suppose to be merging, so in all reality, both people should form one new name for their new family - marriage should not be about domination or submission, it should be about equality amongst husband and wife and both families. I am very happy to keep my name and he doesn't mind because he wouldn't want to change his name either - one that he/I have had for 29 years.

You must always consider the source of any poll. A poll can be easily skewed in any direction simply by the choice of where and when to poll. For example, if you are asking people about a presidential candidate, and set up your poll outside of the door of the democratic convention, you will get a totally different response than if you had you poll set up in the middle of the lobby of the Ritz Carlton or on a backroad in a depressed area of Arkansas or Georgia. The answer in Alaska about a recent republican candidate would be very different than on the Streets of Chicago or Philadelphia. If the people being polled are educated also makes a difference. Having the poll take place on a college campus, or outside the doors of a political science class would also change the results. Please note that this poll was done by 2 relatively conservative universities. I would assume that the place and the subjects were also extremely converative.

I, for one, would strongly oppose any government mandate on this subject.

I am not giving up my name. I am hyphenating it. I have had my last name for the past 30 years and am quite attached to it. The government has no right to tell me what my name should be, especially my last name. That is a decision between me and my fiance.

For me, things are a bit different. My mom was a hard working single parent so I have her last name. To pay homage to her and all the things she sacrificed when my father decided to leave the picture, I'm hyphenating. That way I am still saying "thank you mom" and "I love you hubby". In terms of the "government mandate", I agree with an above poster that it is quite absurd. You can't MAKE me get married so you have no right to MAKE me take his last night. You've GOT to be kidding.

I am getting married in two weeks at the age of 47. I will be hyphenating my name. My reasoning has nothing to do with my profession or anything like that I just feel that I have been Ms. Brown for all these years and I actually like my name. I am an only girl in my family with four brothers and I don't think just because they are male they have the only rights to our family name. If anything I am the eldest child I have had it longer. As far as my new husband I feel like he is a wonderful addition to a life I already feel was good and I will be glad to add his name on to mine to reflect that new addition in my life.

I TRULY DONT THINK THAT IT SHOULD BE A MANDATE. I KNOW FOR ME I CANT WAIT TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME TO MY HUSBAND'S NAME...IM TAKING THE MONDAY AFTER THE WEDDING OF WORK JUST TO TAKE CARE OF ALL THE PAPERWORK TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL. BUT I THINK THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE OF THAT WOMEN THINK THAT CHANGING THEIR NAMES MAKES THEM THIER HUSBAND'S "PROPERTY" THIS IS NOT THE CASE. WHEN YOU GET MARRIED YOU BOTH GIVE UP THE IDENTITY OF WHO YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE SINGLE, YOU BECOME ONE JOINT ENTITY...THIS IS WHY YOU SHARE THE NAME, NOT BECUASE YOU ARE PROPERTY BUT BECUASE YOU ACCEPT YOUR NEW ROLE AS YOUR HUSBANDS JOINT PARTNER. YOU DO THE SINGLE PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE BUT YOU GAIN A NEW LIFE WITH A NEW PERSON WHO IS THERE TO SUPPORT EVERYTHING YOU DO, WHY NOT HONOR THAT BOND AND COMMITMENT?? AND ONE QUESTION....WHAT ARE YOUR KIDS NAMES GOING TO BE, YOUR OR HIS OR ARE YOU GOING TO BE CRUEL AND GIVE YOUR KIDS MORE NAMES TO HAVE TO LEARN TO SPELL?? BECUASE UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM 4 NAMES, ONE PARENT IS GOING TO GET LEFT OUT IN THE EXCHANGE OF NAMING YOUR CHILDREN....

The government should stick to agenda's that influence the state of our union and not the idividual state of a woman, or any gender, race or religion for that matter. I'm getting married in October, not changing my name. And it has nothing to do with not honoring my soon to be husband, not liking his name, wanting my professional name to remain, or standing on some rigid principle of independence. I've had my name for 42 years, I love it, he loves it, and he loves me for not changing it.

To the person who chose to write in all capital letters: if the wife chose to keep her last name, then they could make their child's middle name either the husband or wife's last name, and the child's last name the other one, that way no one is left out.

Also responding to the person who wrote in capital letters; my mother hyphenated her last name when she got married, and my brother, sister and I all have 4 names. It's not that big of a deal. We were never pick on or traumatized in learning how to spell one more thing.
I don't believe the government should have a say in this matter. It has nothing to do with public safety, or bettering our country, this is a topic that should discussed between the bride and groom.

Let me just say that there are over 140 million women in the United States. If you divide the sample size (815) by that number, you get .000005821. That's the percentage of people polled versus the actual population of women in the United States.

This study is basically worthless. In order to make a generalized statement about the views of "women in the United States", the sample size would need to be DRASTICALLY larger.

In my own opinion, I think that a government mandate on last name choice is absolutely ridiculous.

I would never want the government to force me to change my name. I just got marries on August 15th. I decided to hyphenate my last name for a couple of reasons: I am about to complete my educational doctorate. My education and the strength to achieve it is about me, not my husband. I'm using my maiden name in the professional world. I will be Dr. P. Also, my husband has an ex wife who did not change back to her maiden name. I didn't want two Mrs. B's running around.

I am grateful to be with a man who is wanting to take on my last name with his last name He says that he wants to honor my family. Most woman do this and I think it is only fair that men do it too if they chose. So....It should not be forced for someone to take on someones last name. That is absurd!! It should be a choice that an individual makes.

No such mandate should ever be considered. Each person is an individual and therefore must decide for themselves whether or not to change his/her name. I plan to change my name when we get married next year, but that is my choice. I know he prefers that I do, but he would support either decision no matter what. I am a teacher and deal with children who often do not share their siblings orparents names and it is extremely confusing.

Until 1920, a woman could not own property in her name, only a man was allowed. I own a house and have over 500K in assets. I have a prenup and I will be keeping my name financially and legally.

However, my fiance is quite upset I'm not taking his name. So I may end up hyphenating as soon as we get married as opposed to when we have children as I had planned. I thought he would want to take mine (the defination of my last name describes him) but he has no interest.

Regardless, I don't mind taking his name socially for invites, etc. But we're having cold feet over planning the ceremony in regards to this issue. I don't want to be announced as his last name because I don't want my family to twitter about the money I inherited from my father.

I think it's just ridicuious to say there should be a law making a woman take her husband's last name! There are many reasons a woman chooses to keep her last name, hyphenate, or change her name to her husband's. Whatever the reason it is a PERSONAL choice, and therefore shouldn't be left up to anyone but the couple it effects. I'm taking my husband's last name because it's something I want. For these women to actually say that the government should make someone change their name? It sickens me... I'm a woman's rights advocate and to think that so many women want to shove us back into the Dark Ages is beyond my comprehension.

I FEEL THAT A WOMAN SHOULD TAKE ON THERE HUSBAND KLAST NAME, BE PROUD OF YOUR HUSBAND THAT IS A BIG SLAP IN HIS FACE... WHY CANT THINGSSS BE LIKE IT WAS BACK IN THE OLD DAYS,, A WOMAN WHO MARRIES A MAN AND DOES NOT TAKE HIS LAST NAME OUR HYPHENATE SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED,, YOU DONT LOVE THE MAN THAT YOUARE MARRING, YOU WILL BE DIVORCE IN LESS THAN 2 YEARS.... DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS,, (YOUR KID WILL COME UP AND ASK) MOMMY BILLY MOM HAS THE SAME LAST NAME AS HIS DADDY, WHY DONT YOU HAVE DADDY LAST NAME ,,,,,THINK ABOUT IT.. YOU ARE TO LAZY TO GET YOUR INFO CHANGE OVER.. THAT IS WHY YOU DONT WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME,, STEP ASIDE THERE IS A WOMAN OUT THERE THAT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE HIS LAST NAME.....................................

Wow, to the person who chose to type in all capitals,I understand your strong stance on this but when you type in all capitals you are yelling at everyone..........One thing I learned long ago is you can not control other people or their actions,everyone has their right to their own feelings & opions.I am taking my husbands last name.No there should be now law making on taking your husbands last name

SamanthaKK: You may wish to review the field of statistics. A sample size of 1000 is almost always enough to cover a population of many million, especially when surveying a question that the entire population is likely to have previously considered. They could probably have done this with a sample of 300 and retained the statistical significance of the results.

i think that you should take your husbands name because it is a sign of respect to him and his family, that doesnt mean you are disrespecting your family, it is the choice of you and your fiance to decide those things no one should decide that for you due to the fact that the gov't os so screwed up as it is i doubt they are worrying if females take their husbands last name and if you seriously sre worried about the gov't doing that you either have way toooooooo much time on your hands or you are just plain stupid.... i can understand if you are in the professional world and go by a certain name but you can always hypernate.... and to the ones whom LOVE their name its a name for gosh sakes not you or your personality, people change their names all the time, and if you feel you cant take the persons name you are wanting to marry maybe you should re evaluate your relationaship and see if it is something you really want... but to be honest this whole poll thing is just a way to see everyones responses and people always give in... i did because it seemed like alot of people whine and worry WAY too much about that they think the gov't is going to do well like i said if this is something you are worrying about there is something wrond with you.. and it is with out a doubt a rediculous theory that the gov't is ploting to mandate this!!!!! I LOVE MY FIANCE AND LOOK FORWARD TO TAKING HIS NAME!!!

My wedding is next month. I have been single for 48 years. I couldn't wait to get a shorter last name. Now that I am getting married to someone with a very short name, I am not ready to change my last name for two reasons. 1- It is my professional name. It has taken me 25 years to build a customer base. I don't want to lose the people because of a name change. 2- I have been a single mother. My 23 years old son wants to have the same name as me. My fiance and I discussed it. He suggested I hyphenate my last name! I don't see a reason for the government to be involved. What is important is that you and your husband feel comfortable with the decision.

Turtledawn: You may wish to consider Sheila's point that they probably pulled their sample from a unique community of people, which means that the results are NOT generalizable. Also, the sample size was NOT 1,000.

HALLELUJAH fallBride i agree. I cannot wait to change my name after we get married. yes my name will jump from 20 letters to 26, and my initials go from H.E.T. to H.E.C. but i love him so much it doesnt matter. AND taking your husbands name dates back to Bible times when a woman married into another tribe back then it was customary to change it so ppl knew where you came from. and all this crap about being "property" and last names signifying a change in "owners" is crap, pure undeniable crap. that is ancient history!!! (in the USA, as far as i know)(idk about other countries tho) sry to offend, thats what i think. BE PROUD TO GET MARRIED.

consider this: If you don't change your last name isn't that kinda like not wearing your wedding ring?

Hey good stuff...keep up the good work!

Not taking your husband's name has nothing to do with not loving him. My name is part of who I am and I should not have to give it up if I don't want to. It does not mean that I love him any less. I don't have a problem if someone calls me Mrs. [his last name], but that is not how I am known. The kids have his last name. The kids have both last names, but not hyphenated. They are smart enough to learn to spell them all.

I don't understand why a women can't take down her last name....why is that a "mans" duty?
Why can't a man take the womens last name...?

OK - for one - the people who believe that changing your name to your spouse's somehow shows how much you love them is ignorant. A name is just a name. If the government were to mandate name changes i would move away from this country. I have 3 passports, a home and many legal documents showing my current married name. Will I change my name - maybe one day but by no means does my name have anything to do with how much i love my husband. and how one can equate not wearning a wedidng ring with a name change is absoltely absurd. How about those that cannot afford rings - does that make them any less devoted to one another, or any less in love. How dare you be so judgemental and ignorant. We are all our own people and have our own beliefs i dont believe anyone has the right to insult you for having them. Maybe stop being so ignorant - worry about yourself and not other people - becasue whether or not i change my name has no effect on your life - and the government should not care either.

documents showing my current married name - EDIT - I meant my current maiden name.

I'm getting married next year, and I plan to keep my name for a number of reasons. I feel that it's my own personal identity, and I shouldn't have to give it up. It's convenient for knowing when to hang up on telemarketers, since they always mispronounce it (and after I'm married, they'll almost certainly ask for Mrs.His-Last-Name, so I'll definitely know). My first name sounds terrible with my fiance's last name (and he agrees). And both he and I share the thought that it would be more appropriate for names to be matrilineal, since it's rather difficult to question someone's maternal parentage. And above all else, we've agreed that I shouldn't have to change my name because HIS name was actually changed by his mother when she remarried and he was too small to argue. What would be the point of changing my name to a name that isn't really even his? Every situation is different, so a government mandate would be truly ridiculous on all counts.

I'm sure many of you are like me and one of the first things you do in the morning is head here and check out the new post. Along with seeing the new posts, I'm also always checking out the blog roll rss feed and watching them grow, or shrink sometimes. In one of my past ...but all in all excellent site. Keep it up!

No more than a woman should be "forced" to marry a man. Geeze, I wouldn't want the man you love to impose his family honor upon you or anything! What a sexist and anti-traditional poll. Men get married, too, you know!

I myself can't wait to change my name and be instantly associated with my future husband! Even though I am more than ecstatic to take his last name, I do not think women should be forced to. I know quite a few women who are very well known in their career by their maiden name and therefore have chosen not to take their husband's name. I also know some that have hyphenated their name for the same reason. I don't think their husband's mind and it hasn't been a big issue for them.