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Polite Answers to 5 Rude Wedding Questions

Jul09

Even the most polite guests will sometimes ask an inappropriate wedding question. Most of the time, they’re simply not thinking too clearly, or may have imbibed too much. Other guests may not know better (especially the kids). And sometimes guests are just plain tacky. Here are some rude questions you might receive and the best way to answer.

“How much did that cost?”
Expect to hear this one the most, as people are naturally curious about the price of items like your dress, the ring, even your cake.

Response: If someone you’re on good terms asks you that question, feel free to tell them it’s an inappropriate question. They need to learn eventually. Otherwise, to save hurt feelings, say something like “luckily, we got it for a very decent price,” or “just enough to keep from going past our budget.” You don’t want to brag and say “more money than you make in a year,” so a humble answer is best. If it’s the ring in question, you and your groom can both respond with “that’s a wedding secret that we’ve decided not to share.”

“Why aren’t you going on a honeymoon?”
Many couples postpone their honeymoon for financial reasons, work reasons, moving reasons, etc. There’s no rule that says you need to honeymoon immediately after the wedding, and no reason to give an explanation.

Response: Tact is the way out. Try “We want time to spend in our new home and to enjoy our wonderful gifts before taking off.” If you already live together, another great answer is “The place we have our hearts set on won’t have the room we want for another year. Until then, we’re keeping it a secret.”

“Why wasn’t ____ in the wedding?”
Even in the closest of families, every member may not play a special wedding role.  And when family member are estranged, guests will be curious. Your personal family issues belong right there—with your family.

Response: The easiest answer to this question is “Jim couldn’t leave work, but we’re going to spend time with him as soon as we can.” If your mom or dad isn’t at your wedding, it’s going to be a touchy subject for you, and difficult to discuss. If a simple, “Unfortunately, Mom couldn’t make it” doesn’t quiet your guest, politely excuse yourself and move on. You owe no further explanation.

“Who paid for the wedding?”
Gone are the days when the bride’s family automatically paid for the wedding, so that question might arise. Yes, it’s a bit like asking what your annual income is, but expect it all the same.

Response: For this one, use an etiquette response. Say something like “We read that it’s bad luck to talk about wedding expenses, especially at the ceremony.” If that doesn’t work, go with “Everyone who pitched in did it on the condition that it not be discussed.”

“Why aren’t you wearing white?”
Even in the 21st Century, a non-white wedding dress might raise a few eyebrows, particularly with older guests.

Response: It’s such an offensive question that it almost doesn’t merit an answer, but to keep things pleasant say something like “Green is all the rage on the runways this year.”  If you want to give a nod to your heritage, you might say “I decided on red to honor my family background.” If all else fails, point them to the bar and excuse yourself


7/09/10

Loved your article and humor. Your responses are very tactful to these rude questions that are always asked by at least one guest.


posted by Brenna Taylor
7/09/10

Great article! It's amazing to me how rude and tactless people can be!


posted by Maureen Thomson
7/09/10

Great post! So much more tactful than my gut response to each of these questions.--which would be: "Why on earth would you ask me that?"


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