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Premarital Counseling: Essential Topics to Cover

Jan25

Premarital Counseling is an important process to go through before you get married. While it is impossible to know everything about someone before you marry them (and marriage is always a learning process), it is important for marriage counselors to ask some key questions, even before giving marriage tips. Here is a list of essential topics that should be covered in premarital counseling:

Lifestyle

  • Do they go to bed early and wake early, or are they a night owl?Do they fall asleep to the radio or to the TV? Do they like to wake up and listen to music as they prepare for the day, or do they prefer a morning of silence?
  • How do they eat? Do they exercise? Do they expect you to follow their eating habits? Do they cook? Do they expect you to cook?
  • Are they clean? Do they pick up after themselves? Do they expect you to clean and do household chores?
  • Do they relax when there is work to be done? Do they work, and then relax? (Do they have a business before pleasure mentality?) Do they tend to procrastinate?
  • Do they socialize a lot? Do they want to go out and socialize as a couple? Do they prefer to entertain in your home? If so, do they like having guests stay over at your place often? Or, do they prefer having the place to themselves most of the time?
  • Do they drink alcohol? How much and how often?
  • Do they want to live in the suburbs, in the country, or in the city? Are they open to living different places?
  • What are their friends like? Do you like hanging out with their friends?

Commitment

  • How do they view divorce?
  • Are they open to marriage counseling?
  • Under what circumstances would they consider a divorce?

Finances

  • Will you have separate bank accounts when you are married? Or will you share the same account?
  • Do they have debt? What kind of debt is it? (Credit card debt? School debt?)
  • Are they on time when paying bills?
  • Do they receive support or money from their parents?
  • Do they live on a budget? Do they live within their means? Do they save?
  • Do they have a plan for retirement?

Children

  • Do they already have kids?
  • Do they want kids? How many kids do they want?
  • Do they expect someone to stay home with the kids when they are born?
  • Do they expect the kids to be raised under a specific faith? What role will faith play?

Ethics and Personality Traits

  • Will they lie if it helps them out with a particular situation?
  • Are they hard working, or do they want quick fixes?
  • Do they tend to blame others?
  • Are they patient or do they always want immediate gratification?
  • Do they see things as “right” or “wrong"?
  • Do they hold grudges?
  • Are they critical of other people?
  • Do they have a quick temper?
  • Are they relaxed, or they tend to be high-strung?
  • Do they take any prescription drugs for anxiety, depression, or any other mental condition?

Most Important Question: Are they teachable? Are they able to see their faults? Will they admit when they are wrong? Or, are they always set on proving their point and being right, even to the detriment of the relationship?

These questions present some important food for thought before you get married. Obviously, some things are more important than others. You can have a wonderful relationship even if you don’t cook, or if you like to go to bed later than your spouse, but other things—such as a quick temper—can make a relationship extremely difficult. Make sure that you have discussed these things in detail—preferably with a trained counselor—before getting married.


posted by Rabin Tamang
7/27/12

We are also providing Biblical counseling training for Churches here in Nepal. Do update us.
God bless you.
Christian Counseling Association of Nepal
Po Box 25872, Kathmandu Nepal


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