As nice as it sounds, not everyone can attend your wedding or be notified about the affair before the invites have been sent out. Since friends and loved ones often jump the gun, here are a few ways to deal with over-eager party-goers.
Once you announce that you’re getting married, a lot of people will drop hints that they would like an invitation. Most of those who say something are people you plan on inviting, so it’s easily solved by saying “We haven’t finalized the guest list, but we’ll let you know.” Remind those friends that it’s smart to keep quiet about the affair. It’s wise to work on the guest list ASAP, since you’ll have a rough idea of how to handle the inquiries.
Unfortunately, some of the hints will come from people who you can’t invite, or might have to relegate to the B-List. Should a co-worker inquire, the best way to handle the situation is to say that you haven’t decided yet on whether or not you’ll be inviting people from the office (the rule of thumb for weddings is that you invite everyone in your office, or just the boss). Your actual boss is unlikely to say anything, but if he or she does, it’s best to try your hardest to include them. Office diplomacy exists even during your engagement period.
A friend that you can’t invite is difficult, since you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Politely explain that your wedding guest list is limited and you simply don’t have the room. Mention his side of the family, obligations, etc. If he or she is on your B-List, say that you’re still trying to fit everyone in, and will let them know as soon as possible. Never tell a friend that you’re trying to fit them in if you’ve already decided not to invite them. It’s much smarter to let them know upfront that you don’t have room, then to keep them wondering.
The hardest hint-droppers are relatives. If you’re not inviting cousins, and they’ve asked early on, you might want to consider them for the B-List. However, know that once you start adding, your guest list will bloom. Should you be planning a small affair and are afraid of the fall-out from family members, let everyone know ASAP that it’s an intimate affair. A smart idea is to let parents or your maid of honor spread the word. It’s always better that people know the situation now than to be left hanging at the altar.