The OurWeddingDay.com Blog

Check out Anne Naylor's new article, "How Forgiveness in Marriage Builds Intimacy."

She writes, "How often do couples bury a hurt and let it rot the relationship over time? It can take courage to openly let your partner know when they have hurt you, so that you place yourself in the position to forgive them; for them to express their love and regret for the misunderstanding or incident. It should be easy with the one you love the most to be that caring and honest. But often, as was in my own case, it is not."

Check out the full article here.

She goes on to offer advice on how to accept and forgive your spouse.  Being more forgiving and accepting has to be a goal for us all, right?

The Times of London is running a piece about what it means to be a "good wife." Moreover, it's aimed at men and urges them to be better husbands.

Written by Shane Watson, it's broken down into pointed sections:

• "Make Him a Priority"
• "Have Sex"
• "Beware Resentment"
• and "Be Kind and Supportive"

...before segueing into a companion piece, "How to Be a Good Husband," by Matt Rudd.

It's an interesting, and controversial, article: It addresses culture, history, feminism, parenting, career and much more.  And it's begging to be debated.  What's your take?

Contexts, a publication of the American Sociological Association which aims to make "sociology interesting and relevant to anyone interested in how society operates," recently posted about this 1962 book, When You Marry.

Contexts says, "The book covers many aspects of dating and marriage and provides some fascinating insights into gender roles and social assumptions of the time."

We say, "Holy cow, things were different before!"  Obviously the book is completely out-of-date, and wouldn't be of much interest to modern marrieds looking for real advice, but it is a fascinating time machine to what marriage advice sounded like not all that long ago...

Check it out here!

Check out the new study discussed in the Wall Street Journal article, Housework Pays Off Between the Sheets.

Scientists says that married couples that do more housework together have more sex!

"Rather than compromise their sex life" because of time demands at work or at home, "this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority," says Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J. The study doesn't measure what proportion of spouses fall into this group, but she believes "they are on the leading edge of couples we expect to see more of in the future."

Many husbands and wives I interviewed offered an additional explanation—that housework may be a proxy for a general willingness to invest in shared interests, a symbol of commitment to home and hearth. Perhaps "working on the same task … makes the couple remember why they married—to be on the same team, to build a life," Ms. Danis says.

Check out the full article here!

Is there a language barrier between you and your groom-to-be?  Lucky you!

Jag Carrao just posted and interesting article over at The Huffington Post, "Surprising Advantages of Dating Someone You Can't Understand." Citing doctors, relationship counselors and even Sean Connery (who credits his 30 year marriage to often not understanding his French wife), Carrao thinks the argument has merit and even provides a half-serious list of its benefits:

• No man-terrifying “relationship talks.”
• Fewer heated debates about stem cell research and Oscar predictions.
• Less ambiguity about date logistics (aware of the language barrier, he nails down date/time/place to avoid any misunderstanding).
• Exotic charm of endearments uttered in a foreign tongue.
• And most importantly: less conversation, more kissing.

Of course, she also details the obvious drawbacks to not understanding your spouse... but those aren't as funny!  Check out the full article here!

Today is the Karvachauth (Husband's Day) festival in India.  Married women observe Karvachauth by fasting and offering prayers seeking welfare, prosperity, and longevity of their husbands.

Above, a newlywed Indian woman, Sahiba Mahajan, holds an earthen lamp and offers prayer at a temple. (image provided by Getty)

Which wedding or married life traditions have been past down through your family?  Will you be continuing them?

Sometimes throughout the stress of wedding planning, tempers can flair.  We've talked before about how seemingly everyone has advice on how  to "communicate better," but we also think that regularly taking the time to reflect on what we need to make us -- and our spouses -- happy can only be a good thing.

Over at the Telegraph, the advice on how to make relationships work by Dr David Burns, a cognitive therapist specialising in relationship management, is being shared:

Good communication involves: skillful listening (empathy), effective self-expression (assertiveness), and caring (respect). The acronym EAR will help you to remember these three components.

Check out the full article here.

Last week we told you about an article in the British Mail newspaper that advocated for couples to sleep in separate beds. Well, that article seemed to get some Americans considering the idea as well:  Over at the Huffington Post this week, Sophie Keller shares her "9 Reasons to Sleep Separately."

She writes, "Even as newlyweds, my husband and I slept separately due to incompatible sleep habits. He needs only 5 hours of sleep, is up quite a bit through the night and snores very loudly. I, on the other hand, am a very light and quiet sleeper and need 8 hours of rest. With our differences we knew that there was a potentially huge problem very early on in our relationship and even though it took us time to get used to it, we decided that sleeping apart was the best long-term solution. Most people believe that if you have separate rooms it must mean that you are probably not having sex. But that, from my experience, is absolutely not true at all. Sleeping separately did not take the passion out of the relationship. On the contrary, I actually think that it quite possibly enhanced it."

Check out her "9 Reasons!"

Once again, we don't think there's any "one solution" for everybody to have a happy marriage.  Obviously, different people have different needs and different things that make them happy.  Still, like we said last week, it's always interesting to consider different ways to keep ourselves -- and our spouses -- happy.

Marnia Robinson over at the Huffington Post is offering advice on ways to stay in love. She advocates a series of physical cues and behaviours, basing in part on interactions between mother and child, and between wild animals!

"As my husband and I stroked a live alligator resting calmly on a trainer's lap at a fair, I asked the guy why it was so tame. "I pet it daily. If I didn't, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn't allow this," he explained.

Only months earlier I had begun to comprehend the power of bonding behaviors (skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking and so forth). These subconscious signals, or attachment cues, speak directly to the only part of the brain that can fall in love or stay in love (the limbic system). They make emotional ties surprisingly effortless--once any initial defensiveness dissolves. And bonding behaviors are good medicine for relaxing our defense mechanisms, too."

Check out the entire article here.

Everything old is new again: It's the return of 2 marriage beds!

Or, at least Mail Online seems to think it could be: "The secret to a long and happy marriage could be having separate beds, an expert on sleep claims.

Not only will a couple escape arguments over duvet-hogging and fidgeting, but they will have a proper night's rest.

This will have a huge impact on both their health and the relationship as poor sleep increases the risk of stroke, heart disease and divorce, said Dr Neil Stanley."

Of course, we all know that there is no catch-all "secret" to a successful marriage, but it's always interesting to consider different ways to keep ourselves -- and our spouses -- happy...

What do you think?