The OurWeddingDay Blog

Same-sex marriage is one of the biggest political issues of current times. When you plan your own wedding, there’s a good chance you’ll be inviting gay friends or relatives. How you handle their plight and the feelings of other guests who might not favor gay marriage can be tricky. Here, some few tips on playing the diplomat while doing the right thing.

First off, never exclude a gay friend or relative just because you’re afraid that your legal nuptials will upset them. While it’s true that some gay people (and a few straight ones) have decided to boycott weddings until they’re legal for all Americans, your nearest and dearest are likely going to want to take part in your big day. Depending on your views, you can write gay friends a separate note saying you hope that, in the near future, you’ll be excited to attend their wedding. On the off chance that they won’t attend your wedding for political reasons, respect their wishes and leave it at that.

If your best friend or close relative is gay, and you want him or her in your wedding party, by all means ask. (Leaving them out of the wedding party is only going to encourage the idea that gays are not meant to take part in weddings.) You should take the person aside and talk to them about any issues they might have; it’s no different than talking to your recently-divorced maid of honor about the sensitivity of marriage, or your still-single older sister about feeling alone on such a special occasion.

Whether or not you mention gay marriage in your toasts, or singling out anyone in your wedding party as being discriminated against, is entirely up to you. Before you chant “He’s here, he’s queer, get used to it” from the dance floor, keep in mind that political statements are always risky, regardless of the subject matter. If you know that your conservative guests are going to be upset, it might make more sense to let your lesbian matron of honor’s presence speak for itself.

If you are against same-sex marriage, there is a chance that some of your gay friends will be hurt when they receive your wedding invitation. It’s up to you whether or not you want to write them a note or call them to talk about the issue, just like it’s up to them whether or not they want to attend your wedding. If they RSVP “no,” respect their feelings and look for other ways to find common ground. What makes this country work is the value we place on other people’s views, even during events like weddings.

-David Toussaint

Read more: Introducing the Bridesman or Man of Honor, Unisex or Jack & Jill Wedding Showers, Planning a Gay Honeymoon

Following celebrity weddings and reading glamorous bridal magazines can be a lot of fun, but nothing’s more helpful than learning how real brides plan their big day.  With that in mind, meet OWD's Real Brides: real OurWeddingDay.com brides-to-be sharing their experiences every day.  It’s not about the “right” way to plan; it’s about each bride planning the wedding that’s right for her.

592 days to go...

Dilemma of the week...the wedding party!

So does anyone else out there have a friend that spills food on their shirt when you are out for dinner, wears a red bra under white shirts, and buys shoes two sizes too big because they were on sale?

Well I do, and here is where my dilemma of the week begins: How do you ask your alternate friends to be in the wedding, skip over the friend that you have known forever but will be an embarrassment and not hurt anyone's feelings? It's certainly a tough road to go down and I am about to embark on the journey. :-( So after weeks of thought on how to tackle this challenge I have come up with a plan. I am going to invent a job for my 'sloppy' friend and make her feel just as important.

Now, what's the job to be?... I looking for suggestions if anyone has done this before. We are getting married "non-denominational" so readings are out. She could be in charge of the guest book, or the photos of each guest as the arrive, or the official first toast giver..etc. I am sure I will come up with something great between now and then and hopefully she doesn't catch on that she isn't in the official wedding party. :-)

Now for the groom's men.. I am think we will make baskets up in advance with a fresh razor, some cologne, a stick of deodorant, some hair gel, a nice brush, and some whitening strips. That way everyone gets a clean fresh shave, fresh scent, and new look on the big day.

I haven't found any bargains to speak of this week but I will be sure to post them as they come along. I did however find it very useful to get more than one quote from surrounding hotels. The rates went from $89.45-$129.00 a night. Plus I learned about "comps" when comparing rates. Most hotels offer a complimentary room for every 10 rooms booked by out of town guests. I used this to my advantage and got a lower rate room plus a 'comp' for every 8 rooms booked. The complimentary rooms are great for the bride and groom before the honeymoon, for the parents on both sides as a treat etc. Your guests won't know you have the complimentary rooms and your parents will appreciate a room close to the venue so they can have a good time at the wedding and not worry about the drive home. I am going to include two rate cards in each invitation so my guests can choose which hotel works best for them. :-)

That's all for this week ladies and gents. I will be back next week with another wedding challenge and possibly a bargain or two!

The age-old debate rages on: Does planning a wedding on or around a holiday enhance both celebrations, or are they overly-inconvenient for guests?

Some would say that since family and friends are often scattered around the country (and world!), that planning a wedding around a holiday may save travel expenses, since many guest could be flying to be with their families anyway.

Others argue that it ends up being too much to coordinate, and that weddings unfairly take the focus away from what "should" be celebrated at that time.

And still others go the more diplomatic route, ans say "it depends!"  It depends on which holiday it is, how elaborate the wedding, how far away the family...

What do you think about holiday weddings?

Second marriages are becoming an increasingly regular phenomenon, giving rise to a need for more defined etiquette.

At the same time, however, there are constantly more and more fun, interesting and romantic ways to celebrate your second wedding.

If your planning your second wedding, check out our article on Second Weddings with tips on how to make it unique, wonderful and "second to none!"

Ladies - so by now you're 25 steps, 50 to-dos and 100 decisions closer to your wedding day, but do you ever think back and wonder how the man of your dreams posed the most important question of his life?

Well Tacori has introduced The Gentleman's Guide to Engagement and from "money matters" to "what women want" they've created a site with an engagement matrix to help guys perfect their asking for your hand.

Check it out HERE and let us know if you think they've got the fellas on the right track?

Sometimes weddings aren't only pricey for the happy couple, but for their guests as well.  Here's an interesting article on the sometimes too-costly Bridesmaid experience.

Of course, you should plan the wedding you want and not feel pressured to change because of your guests' feelings, but it's always good to understand other people's perpectives.

Check it out HERE.

A giant beer slide, cooter stew, fried deer and alligator meat, and servers from Hooters- it's what every little girl dreams of for her wedding day, right? Didn't you?

If you're anything like Elaine and Bruce, the couple featured on CMT's My Biggest Redneck Wedding, you must have. Read more about the shenanigans HERE.

Would you ever consider this John Deere-like theme?

Is this fun and cute, or does it cross the line to "inappropriate"?

Hi! Megan here again, with some suggestions on asking your friends to be bridesmaids:

• Take them out to lunch or dinner. Once everyone is together you can ask them face to face to be your bridesmaids. A cute idea is to give the waiter small notes asking them to take part in your wedding day to be brought out with dessert, saving the big news for the end

• Send flowers to your friends house, with a  note attached asking them to participate

• Create a small photo album of memories you have shared together, leaving a blank space to be filled in with a picture from your wedding
  

• Watch the movie “27 Dresses” together and reassure them that you will never ask to wear something ugly
  

Anyway you ask, your friends will feel honored!

Your wedding day will be amazing and beautiful. But we all know that stress will be involved as well. What's important is how you handle that stress.

Have you considered how you'll blow off steam? The mischievous groomsman above decided on something silly, and it got a laugh (hopefully he warned his bride so she knew why laughter broke out while she was at the alter!).

What do you think?

Wedding planning is full of choices that are neither right nor wrong.  This is one of them...

One of the biggest perks of getting married is no longer being single! Gone are your days of awkward first dates, the “will he or won’t he call” conversations with friends, and the desperate search to find a date for formal events and holidays.

So when you glance at your guest list and notice some of your closest friends may not have a "plus one" to bring, do you say “I do” or “I don’t” to setting up friends at your wedding?